There are books with thick pages filled with knowledge that we have yet to learn.
However, who has the patience or the wherewithal to sit for hours to turn those pages and patiently receive the learning? We are so distracted by the e-mails and messages on our devices that even a momentary glance at an iPad can steal our focus, so half a day will pass without us realizing it. Then, there are books whose pages should never be opened, knowledge that should never be known, and words that should never be read. Such tomes as the one I am discussing are securely locked away in temperature-controlled rooms, where the pages can only be turned with a sterile flat spatula-like arm that easily slides between each paper and lifts it gently so the reader can move on. The book is so fragile that human hands, even wearing protective gloves, can no longer touch it. Thus, the use of the spatula-like arm.I first saw the book in a cardboard box on the bottom of a shelf in a secret room, which was small and cramped. It was haphazardly thrown in at an angle that flattened the corners of the hardcover tome. When I realized what the book really was, I swore a succession of five strong swear words that had fuck in them. Some are in the beginning, others in the middle, but more so at the end. The book is called 'The Mohl-Hur Kah-Steen' or Vibrating Dead. This book teaches one how to create tones and vibrations that bring the dead back to life. The caveat is that when the dead are revived, they are not whole as they were in the days before their death but rather dead at the moment of their resuscitation. The trouble is maintaining the same tone and vibration for as long as you'd want this dead person around you. That can be taxing, considering the aroma, the decaying flesh, and the possibility of infectious diseases. Yes, you are harboring a zombie to do your every bidding.
To see an ancient book such as this one thrown into a cardboard box like a second thought was infuriating; one could summon armies of the dead if one wished. Whoever did this had no idea what they had in their possession. I was required to improvise by tearing out a few pages from a ledger to use as handholds when carrying the book out of the box. I then pulled up my shirt to cover my mouth as I opened the book. My heart sank, as did my body because my shoulders drooped. The book is written entirely in a cyphered code. No need to be sad; this may explain why, after two thousand years, the book was considered undefinable. However, it strikes me as funny that those few who cracked its cipher never bothered to write a translated version for laymen to understand.
I had a Tibetan singing bell and a giant tuning fork. I sounded both simultaneously, and the tones and vibrations coalesced. It is the most beautiful marriage of two sounds I have ever heard. It made me feel complete as if I were relieved of every negativity in my life, like a whole cleansing. A second later, I dropped dead on the floor, making a terrible thud. The proprietor found me later when he noticed I hadn't left the room. My mind, still awake even though my form was no longer living, heard the proprietor say,
"I don't know what it is about this book, but every time someone opens it and uses those hippy bells, they drop dead."
Fuck.
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