Time was all I had. Time to sit with her, to watch her go from crying to crawling to taking her first step.
I was there for it all. Joyously laughing when I heard her speak her first words and then complete sentences that did not quite make sense, considering how small she was. Yet, she kept trying and never gave up. Her teen years became a whirling dervish of emotions from the highest happiness to the deepest depths of sadness. She was too much of an open book. She felt everything intensely and thought dialing it back was a weakness. Everything had to happen now, in the moment. There was no time to lose. She got older, and by her senior year, she got it. She understood that she didn't have to be famous; she didn't have to be liked by everyone. That was all that mattered as long as she was okay with living in her own skin. Oh, the relief and the weight off my shoulders after what seemed like an eternity!To finally see her come into her own at seventeen! I wanted to climb the rooftops and shout it out to the world! If only I could, me, this whisp of a spirit that lives in her house, in her bedroom more specifically. Her parents? I shared their resplendent joys and sorrows, too; believe me. I won't lie; it was tough seeing her leave for college. Sure, she was dorming at U.H., but still dorming leads to a more independent mindset, and pretty soon, she's buying a house with some stranger we hardly know. The thought of her marrying and living elsewhere ached in my heart. I hope she and her future spouse will live here with us so we can raise the grandkids together. She did come home but by herself, with no significant other in tow. She often stayed up here in her room when she wasn't at work. That's all she did, nothing else. She spoke to her parents about everything except for what was wrong. She wouldn't talk about it, not even to herself. She tried writing in her diary, but only two or three words got out, and then she'd crumple the paper and throw it in her waist basket. One evening after dinner, she entered her room and went into her purse. She removed a bottle of pills and a flask of Vodka. She downed the pills first and was about to chase it down with a gulp of the alcohol. For the first time in my afterlife, I screamed at her at the top of my lungs. "NO! DON'T DO IT!"
She was startled so bad that she dropped the pills and spilled the vodka. She saw me! We made eye contact! She saw me! She went screaming downstairs, and as I followed after her, hoping now that her parents could see me too and I could explain the whole thing, I began to fade away until I was nothing. As I understood it later, she told her parents about her suicide attempt and that she'd seen death himself standing in her bedroom, scolding her to not take the handful of sleeping pills. Her life turned around after that, and she and her parents sold the house and moved out. Just as well. I had to go and ascend to wherever an earthbound spirit like me is supposed to ascend to. She's gonna be good now. That's all that matters.
Photo Credit: Tanaaz.
No comments:
Post a Comment