Yes, it does take a toll on you.
On those days, you take a moment, pause, breathe deeply and exhale a long exhale until it's all out of your lungs. Some of us have to go and cleanse in the ocean, while others need the rain to cleanse. For myself, I need to go to Kaena point, at the very tip of the point where there is a tide pool. It takes a couple of hours to go through the cleansing or pi kai because of the extent of the prayers and the need for agreeable weather. But, there is always a ho'ailona or a sign when the small ceremony is completed. Like today, a whale breached not too far from where I was after the cleansing. It was a powerful sign. I recall a day when I approached my usual spot at Kaena point where I'd intended to sit and relax, not so much to cleanse.To my surprise, I came upon a person who had just sat in the tide pool, and from his body came a blackness that was so dark, the light did not penetrate it. It filled the entire tide pool; this man was young, in his twenties. However, as the darkness drained out of him, he slowly began to age. His hair went gray and then white. Wrinkles manifested, and sun blots were everywhere. He was having difficulty sitting up and removing himself from the tide pool. When he finally managed to right his body and was about to take just the one step which would bring him out of the tide pool, the darkness rose up from the tide pool and pulled him down. He was too old and too weak to struggle. It yanked him out of the tide pool and into the ocean; he could barely make a sound as the darkness engulfed him entirely until he sank beneath the waves. My mother once told me about something like this, where you accumulate so much darkness in your lifetime that it's too late by the time you go to have it cleansed away. It's already become a part of you, and it won't let go. Whoever that person was, was proof of what my mother told me all those years ago. Since then, I haven't gone back to that tide pool at Kaena point.
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