"I'm the one who made the call," I tell them. "I need you guys to come with me to my house so I can grab my essentials and leave."
"Why?" The one officer asks. "Are you being assaulted by someone in your house?"
My reply isn't so simple. I tell the officers that I live alone in a big three-bedroom house up the street, and as of last week, strange things began to happen until the events quickly escalated. Presently, I'm in fear for my life.
"Can you specify for us, what kind of strange events?" Another officer inquires.
I showed them my credentials first so they wouldn't think I was a crackpot. Secondly, I verify for them that I not only live in the house but that I am the owner. Third, I make them aware that I work at the AG's office. Would anyone from the AG's office call the police this late to tell them that they live in a haunted house? Not likely.
I tell them I've lived alone for the past eleven years, and I've never been freaked out or bothered by anything. I always have the t.v. or some music on up until the time I go to bed. Last week, with all the ambient dissonance in the house, I suddenly had this feeling that I wasn't alone. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an old Haole man with just a pair of jeans on, standing near the kitchen. I jumped out of my swivel chair so quickly that the wheels kicked back, and I fell flat on my face. The old man took off, running towards my front door, and I went after him. I saw him shove the door open, and as he ran into the driveway, he slowly faded out.
"What the fuck?" One the officers gasped
"That's bullshit," a female officer offered.
"Let him finish," the lead officer demanded. "Sorry, sir, go ahead."
"I know how it sounds, I wouldn't believe myself if it didn't happen to me," I assured them.
A couple of days later, I was sitting at my computer, typing out the form to arrange online payments with Hawaiian electric. I was near done when I felt something brush my elbows off the armrests of my chair. A second after, something grabbed my chair and flung it across my living room with me still in it. I hit my Oakwood bookshelf pretty hard and got the wind knocked out of me. I shook off the cobwebs, and there he was, the old Haole man, standing near the kitchen. It only took me a second to stand up and grab a thick book off the shelf and whip it in the old man's direction, but he was already on the run. It was the same deal, he burst through the front door, and I was right behind him. The second he got to the driveway, he was gone.
"MUTHERFUCKER!!! I screamed out of frustration.
Lots of porch lights went on, followed by a few of the neighborhood dogs barking, curtains opening, you get it right? I waved briefly to let whoever was really looking to know that everything was ok.
I did some research about the house, it's previous tenants, and it's original owners. Nothing, one big nothing.
"Did you call a priest or a kahuna or something?" The officer asked.
I did all that. The clergy put on a good show. The one and only Kahuna who came? He told me to sell the house and move out. I asked him why? He said a promise was made that was never honored, that's why the old Haole man's ghost shows up. He thinks I'm the guy that broke the promise.
"Are you?" The officer inquired.
"No," I squeaked. "According to what this Kahuna tells me, the old Haole man was promised the property after doing some work, and whoever it was that owned the land, not the house, they renigged on their promise."
"Did the kahuna say anything about what happened to the old Haole man?" The officer asked.
"No, he didn't," I answered. "But tonight's assault was the last straw, I'm leaving. I need you guys to come with me so I can grab a few things. Otherwise, I'm going to call a moving service to do the rest."
"Before we do that," the officer began. "Can you tell us what happened earlier?"
I tell them that this time, instead of waiting around like a sitting duck to get my ass kicked, I hid in the broom closet near the kitchen with the door slightly open. I didn't have to wait long. I heard the front door creak open, then I listened to the sound of bare feet walking on my hardwood floor. Soon, he was standing just outside the kitchen. I charged out of the broom closet and ran straight toward him. He had no time to think. I dove right into him, and he was gone. I crashed headfirst into the opposite wall and nearly injured my neck. The next thing I know, he's standing over me with his leg cocked back, ready to kick me in the face. I came prepared, I had a handful of Hawaiian salt in my shorts pocket, and I threw it at him. He screamed like a mortally wounded animal and blipped out.
"Oh, so you did the Hawaiian salt thing then?" The officer smiled. "No need worry then, right? The ghost is all gone by now? "
"It's a temporary band-aid, he'll be back," I said. "It'll take a couple of minutes, tops."
~
Two of the squad cars took off while the one drove up to my address and met me there. They were waiting just outside my garage. It was uneventful really, they walked me upstairs to my bedroom and hung around while I packed only what I needed. We were out in the driveway after talking outside my car when the front door clicked and squeaked open. The ghost of the old Haole man stood just inside the door, glaring at us. Almost daring us to come in and confront it. I turned to my two newly made police officer friends, "I told you."
"Fuuuuuck that," the one officer said.
"Take care," the other one offered.
Collectively, we got in our vehicles and got the fuck out of there.
~
The second I was checked in to the hotel in Waikiki, my phone buzzed. It was the Kahuna who gave me a bit of insight regarding the ghost of the old Haole man.
"How are you, sir?" I asked.
"I'm good, mahalo," he replied. "You know, maybe you can verify this information through public records or old maps? Or maybe you can just dig up under the house?"
"Why?" I replied.
"That old Haole man was killed, I think. Whoever promised him the land never intended to give it to him, so I think he killed the old guy instead." The Kahuna said. "You still live there?"
"No," I answered. "I'm staying at a hotel right now, I'm gonna hire some movers once the paperwork for my new place is all done."
"Good," the Kahuna sighed. "I think you look too much like the guy who killed that Haole man."
I found out much later that the new owners of my old haunted place didn't like the looks of it, so they leveled the home and put up something more to their liking. In the process, they uncovered skeletal remains under the old driveway. The medical examiner determined that it was an older caucasian male who died from a single blow to the back of his skull from a pickaxe. He was buried wearing only a pair of workmen jeans.
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