On the morning that Rae Anne Tanaka took her own life, a simple breeze skimmed over the waters of Māmala at Honolulu harbor and made its way into a parking lot where it lifted a small pile of faded orange and pink shower tree petals with such sublime grace that it became as one with the wind. Carrying the petals in a long swooping pattern back toward the Aloha Tower, Rae Anne couldn’t help but notice that the combination of wind and petals seemed to be gathering around her. It gave her an odd sense of comfort and support as if those few hundred petals was a place where she could lay her head to rest.
Very early that morning she’d completed her mental checklist of everything that needed to be done before now. Her superfly goggles were going to Brayden Kamaka, her funny-looking ski cap to Amara Domingo, her Pog collection and her Manga magazines should go to Riley Inafuku and her entire music collection, from the time she bought her first CD until her most recent purchase, was going to Daryl Hamada. Rae Anne figured that Daryl would appreciate it most since he always bragged about having every single song that was ever produced worldwide. Perhaps her mini-library would help him out. Her parents would have to figure out what to do with her clothes and all of her other things, it was a horrible task to leave behind but it was necessary. She could see by the looks on their faces that she had become one more worry among all of the other concerns that burdened their daily lives. After the morning was over, her mother and father would have one less link in a chain of problems.
At present, her mind was super focused on one item that mattered most, it was the one that she carried in her hand; a Martin guitar that belonged to her father. Once Rae Anne showed an interest in playing the instrument for the school band, Shoji Tanaka let his daughter use the old Martin. She was a quick study and took to it like a natural. After that, the guitar was hers to keep. Her father was very proud of her but, coming from the typical plantation-Japanese family, his samurai attitude would not allow him to show Rae Anne any physical affection. Instead, letting her keep the guitar was enough.
All that mattered now was that Ryland Ballesteros made it in time; the Martin Guitar was the very last thing she was going to give away and no one deserved it more than he did, but the only difference was that Rae Anne wanted to give it to Ryland in person. Theirs was an easy friendship without any of the awkwardness that seemed to permeate most male/female social intercourse. It also helped that Ryland had no agenda where Rae Anne was concerned, he genuinely liked her and truly enjoyed her company. On most evenings when Rae Anne was plagued by overdue homework, Ryland would sit with her until she became frustrated at not understanding a math problem or key historical dates in her political science class. At that point he would drop whatever it was he was doing and calmly sit down with her and talk her through her assignment until she was able to figure out the answer for herself. He never asked for anything in return, and even when Rae Anne eluded to paying him what he was owed, he would wave her off and laugh.
A smile slowly played itself across her face as the thought of their friendship ever becoming more crossed her mind. Considering where it was that she was going, the idea alone was bittersweet. A wedding, a house, children, it would never be. Not with the problem she had.
The problem, yes the problem. How could she ever wish that upon a husband and children? Never, never, her parents suffered enough, paid enough, financially and emotionally, why do it to her own future family? That would only be selfish. She held the guitar case closer as if she were embracing Ryland himself, the tears came and she wiped them away as quickly as she could so that none of the vendors who were opening their shops could see her.
The entrance to the Aloha Tower was just within her view when she heard someone call her name, “Rae Anne!”
It was Ryland, he was early.
“Ryland? You were supposed to be here at eight o’clock exactly, it’s only seven thirty-eight!” Rae Anne said.
“It’s okay, I figured I’d come a bit early and enjoy the morning here. I like it when it’s still like this, don’t you?” Ryland said.
Rae Anne joined him at the wrought-iron table and took a seat across from him. Placing the guitar case on the table, Rae Anne removed the instrument and handed it to Ryland.
“Wow, are you serious? I mean, for real?” Ryland asked.
“Yes,” Rae Anne smiled slightly, “can you play something for me?”
“On this thing?” he said as he held up the guitar, “Anything you want!”
“Make The World Go Away?” Rae Anne asked.
“Geez,” Ryland chuckled, “white rhythm and blues.”
“C’mon,” She half begged, “If you do a good job you can have the guitar.”
“Great, tease me now, why don’t you?” Ryland held the guitar in his hands as if he and the instrument were life long friends. Caressing the neck and the body, his heart moved his fingers as he evoked the first three strumming chords. “You sing,” he whispered to Rae Anne, “one, two three and….”
“Make the world go away…
and get it off my shoulders,
Say the things you used to say
and make the world go away
Do you remember when you loved me?
Before the world took me astray?
If you do, then forgive me and
Make the world go away
Make the world go away…
and get it off my shoulders,
Say the things you used to say
and make the world go away
I’m sorry that I hurt you
I’ll make it up day by day
Just say you love me like you used to
And make the world go away
Make the world go away…
and get it off my shoulders,
Say the things you used to say
and make the world go away…”
“That was sweet,” Ryland said, “not the usual female angst stuff you sing.”
Rae Anne was flush and short of breath, it didn’t help that she was light-headed and so it took her a second before she could meet Ryland’s gaze. “I’m happy actually,” she smiled.
“Oh?” Ryland was pleasantly surprised, “Something I should know about?”
“Yes,” Rae Anne replied, “your new guitar.”
“Rae,” Ryland replied in complete shock, “Your dad gave you this guitar, I mean this is HIS guitar. Are you sure you want to give it to me? I mean this is something you should pass down to your kids and not your goofy friend, you know?”
“I know,” Rae Anne said, “I just want you to have it, it fits you. It’s like it was always yours.”
Ryland sat there shaking his head in disbelief, “I don’t know what to say, I mean I’m just so…”
Ryland gently placed the guitar on the table in front of him and walked over to Rae Anne where he knelt at her feet and hugged her for a long while. It was all Rae Anne could do not to cry.
“You do so much for me Ryland and you don’t ever let me thank you,” she said.
“I’m your friend, I don’t do it for thanks,” Ryland replied.
“I’m happy you’re happy,” Rae Anne told him.
“Okay, okay,” Ryland said as he stood up, “this is just gonna on all day if we don’t stop.”
Then he bowed dramatically, “From my heart, I thank you.”
“You are most welcome good sir,” Rae Anne replied with a short curtsy.
“Let’s go get some breakfast?” Ryland pointed to the food wagon at the other end of the walkway.
Tears fell from Rae Anne’s eyes as she smiled, “I have to go, I have another appointment.”
“Ok,” Ryland answered. “I’ll call you tonight, we can go see a movie?”
“Sure, I’m down for that,” Rae Anne replied.
Ryland hugged her again and gave her a kiss on her forehead. Holding up the guitar case, he mouthed the words, “Thank you” and blew her a kiss. Rae Anne watched him as he walked to the front parking lot. Then she turned and made her way toward the Aloha Tower where she saw a large crowd gathering just in front of the one hundred eighty-four foot monument. Rae Anne could just make out something on the pavement, but she couldn’t see all of it. It must have been something significant enough to illicit the growing mob’s curiosity.
It was a body lying face down, had this person fainted? Approaching closer, it was obvious that whoever this person was, they had jumped from the above tower to their death. She could see the blood spreading out from the body as a few faded pink and orange shower tree petals floated along with it, the almost-angry red contrasted the color of the faded petals and made it look like a macabre tattoo from a magazine. Rae Anne walked through the crowd as if they weren’t there and found herself standing at the head of the body.
“At least I got to see him,” she said to herself.
She then lay upon the dead body before her and slowly dematerialized into her own lifeless form.
A year ago on the very same date, at the very same location at seven thirty-eight in the morning, Ryland Ballesteros was shot once in the head when he refused to give up his wallet to a robber who was desperate to get his next fix. He was waiting to meet Rae Anne for breakfast. After suffering for the majority of her life from the effects of mental illness, Rae Anne Tanaka stopped taking her medication and, months later, jumped to her death from the top of the Aloha Tower. For a very brief moment in time, Rae Anne was able to meet with Ryland and complete her task of giving him the gift that he so deserved.
On the morning that Rae Anne Tanaka took her own life, a simple breeze skimmed over the waters of Māmala at Honolulu harbor and made its way into a parking lot where it lifted a small pile of faded orange and pink shower tree petals with such sublime grace that it became as one with the very same wind, which now carried them in a long swooping pattern back toward the Aloha Tower. Rae Anne couldn’t help but notice that the combination of wind and petals seemed to be gathering around her. It gave her an odd sense of comfort and support as if those few hundred petals was a place where she could lay her head to rest.
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