FILE CASE #1082-38340
The Stranger: Palolo
It was early and my stomach was growling so I washed my face and brushed my teeth, fixed up my hair a bit, and then headed out to the drive-thru for breakfast. I was still wearing my shirt and shorts from the night before, I also had my socks on because when it gets cold in Palolo, it chills you right down to your feet. I walked out to the van and backed it out of the driveway and soon I was off. Dammit, it was low on gas.
I had to stop at the gas station down the street. No problem. Even though it only had four gas pumps. the station was hardly crowded with cars constantly trying to fill up. I used my card and then just waited while the droning click of the unleaded fuel filled the tank. In the distance, I heard the dreaded sound of the pounding beats from a car speaker. It was a metallic blue 2010 Subaru Impreza WRX. The driver was someone I'd seen around before. He was a foreman for a lot of these monster houses that were popping up all over Oahu. By the looks of him, it was obvious that he was trying to acclimate himself to the local culture by dressing up in a white Ojisan shirt and Bermuda shorts. His Nike Air Jordans were a stark contrast to his throwback fashion statement. The remaining passengers in the car got out and hung around the driver while he filled up. Their conversation was nothing but Juvenille dribble until he directed his attention to me.
"Ho, check dis uncle and his socks!" He laughed in the way that young people do nowadays, with the back of his hand nearly covering his mouth. His friends chimed in by laughing and pointing at me. "Oh, man uncle dose socks look like my maddah's socks!' The pidgin affectation just was not working for this guy.
My tank was filled and I replaced the nozzle on its holder and then pressed the keypad for 'no receipt.'
The little group of hangers-on and wannabees was gathered in their little enclave, giggling and snorting, "I'm sorry," I replied to the driver. "What were you saying?"
"Your socks uncle, look like my maddah's socks," he laughed again.
"They ARE your mother's socks," I replied with little to no emotion. I pulled the waistband of my shorts just low enough that the punk driver and his friends could see that I had no undergarments on. "Guess what SHE'S wearing?"
I was in my van and headed off to the drive-thru and before I knew it, the blue Subaru is right up on my rear. I change my destination and instead of going to the drive-thru, I decided to let the driver and his friends follow me to a special destination. It's a simple drive at the speed limit heading out to Kaneohe. The blue Subaru speeds up along the side me, it speeds up in front of me, and then it's back along siding me again. This time the driver swerves his little car toward me, indicating that he intends to run me off the road. I don't react, I maintain my route and my speed limit. Soon enough I'm taking the left turn to Kiona'ole road just before Hawaiian Memorial graveyard. They're close behind and by the kind of erratic driving I see in my rear-view mirror, I know that the driver and his occupants have worked themselves up into a fervor. They won't be disappointed, not in the least.
I pass the right turn up the hill heading to the golf club. Instead, I barrel through the open gate and drive right up to the piece of road that turns left. That's where I stop my van and get out. The blue Subaru is right behind me. The little car empties out in no time with its occupants all dressed like one another.
"I'm gonna call you guys the 'Oji-san Club' from now on," I finally found some humor in this stupid situation. Imagine that?
"We going fuck you up old man, no talking shit about my maddah!" The driver was crying as if I.......well as if I talked shit about his mother. The five of them rushed me at the same time and that's exactly what I wanted, especially in this part of the road at this time of the morning when it was quiet and there was hardly a creature, much less a human being around. They never saw it coming and I imagine they didn't feel too much of the pain either, because of how it all happened so quickly. The brindled dog was the size of a baby elephant which is the only comparison I can give you. Its length exceeded that of an infant Loxodonta but its sheer mass and muscular build terrified the group of miscreants in such a way that they were unable to react. The animal killed them with such ferocity that they couldn't even scream. The leader stood there frozen with his eyes wide and his mouth agape while the animal fed on his friends. I got in my van and started it up quickly while the massively sized k-9 worked on his meal. I didn't want to stick around and accidentally become a victim of the animal's blood lust. I choose this part of the road because there was just enough space to make a u-turn. Driving off, I looked in the rear-view and saw the blood-soaked driver with his arms stretched out as he stumbled after my van. The brindled dog grabbed him up in his jaws and furiously shook his body back and forth before finally chewing him up in a way that only dogs can do.
After passing the open gates, I pulled them closed and wrapped the thick chain around the poles and secured it with the five-pound lock. I glanced back up the road and saw him, the monster-sized dog that transfigured itself to its human form, that of an eleven-foot tall Hawaiian man drenched in blood. It was in his thick gaberdine like hair, and in his beard. It stained his malo and the rest of his body but he didn't seem to be bothered. He walked a short distance away from the carnage he had wrought and in his hand, he carried a piece of someone's leg from the knee down. He sat on the old blacktop and made himself comfortable before he took a bite out of it like it was a drumstick from KFC. He then held the leg up in the air and nodded in acknowledgment to me. I shook my head and held my hand over my heart as if to say, 'You owe me nothing.'
Great way to start the day. I figured since I was in the area and it was still breakfast, I'd head to the drive-thru for a wakey bakey and a cold drink. Goodness knows I need it.
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