It's painful to see you this way, curled up by the hurt that wounds you so severely that you can only cry tears and not utter a syllable of your suffering. When you were a little girl, you cried because you wanted macaroni and cheese for dinner and not ravioli.
Oh, how it seemed that your world was falling apart and your life henceforth would force you to live as a street urchin. Those were your very words, but this is different. This is your first love, your first kiss, your first undertaking into making a very adult choice by giving your physical self to someone, trusting that they will give of themselves as equally, if not more.
Pictures taken by your friends are sent to you on your phone. You are not his first love, he has others. You confront him with the ocular proof, and he denies everything, but the facts are there. As plain as the smartphone, you hold in your hand, shaking with furious anger, holding it to his face to see, there is the truth. He is with other girls with his arms around them while at the mall, the beach, and at church. He denies everything, and you scream in the name of emotions that are balled up into one fit of anger, and you push him out of your way and out of your life. But there are residual memories and the eternal question like a fingernail digging into the back of your neck. 'What was I thinking?'
And here you are, my love, curled up in the front seat of my old Dodge, the one where you helped pass tools to me as I tried my best to follow the manual to tinker with and fix. You helped me place the custom seat covers on the passenger's chair, where you were thrilled to sit once you were old enough. It's where you now withdraw into yourself, fetal and heartbroken. You won't listen to your mother's sage advice because you know that all she'll say is, 'I told you so.'
Even before this heartbreak, you've come to this car often, just to sit and be. You always play the music track I made for you, it's all of your favorite songs from your favorite TV shows. I can see it in your eyes, my love, you wish that we could just start the car up and drive to nowhere in particular just as long as we got there on time. You're asleep now, the emotion of it all can be draining. I muster the energy I have, I focus my thoughts and my intent on where I want to be, and soon, here I am next to you. I want so much to manifest so that you can at least see me, but I realize that may be too overwhelming for you, and so I wait until you're asleep. I love seeing you this way; that's when you've always been your most innocent, most perfect self.
I wish I had all the answers so that everything you'd need would be right at your fingertips, just a turn of the page, and all would be well. But that's not how life goes.....yes there will be more problems the longer you live, but the one issue you have now will pale in comparison to the responsibilities that await you. In the meantime, let me go visit your mother in her dreams and have her scare you up a pint of rocky road ice cream. It will bond both of you closer together than you've ever been.
I'll be here my daughter, I'll never leave you. Even when your time comes to leave the family that will one day be your own, I'll be waiting for you. For now, sleep for there will be many more tomorrows after the forthcoming one. Life will proceed as it does, and so will you.
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