I remember the day I lost my faith. It wasn't an accumulation of several events or of one traumatic incident. It came during a lackluster mundane moment of clarity.
On the way to work, I made a stop at an atm and then found my way to a drive-thru for breakfast. After paying for the food that I knew was not at all good for my long-term health, I left the area and found myself sitting at a traffic light. Four lanes away from where my vehicle idled, I saw a homeless man standing at the crosswalk holding a cardboard sign which indicated his present condition.
'ALOHA HOMELESS'
A few feet behind him was another man holding a ten-foot high standing banner that said, 'TRUST JESUS.' The scenario struck me as strange and yet it was a complete juxtaposition of both images. The two of them could have helped one another with one being hungry for food and the other being hungry for spiritual fulfillment. Should I go back and feed both of them while we talked and found out about one another? Instead, I took the left turn and then took another left turn further down the road. I made my way back to the intersection. It was clear and I continued on until I reached the next traffic light. It was green and I sped up once I entered the intersection. I directed my vehicle straight toward the homeless man first and plowed him over. The second man was in such a state of duress and shock that he was paralyzed to the spot. I achieved a higher rate of speed by then and it was easier to strike him head on and send him flying several feet to his death. If I was lucky he'd land in the small gully just behind the mound where he regularly stood and trusted Jesus. It would probably be a while before anyone found his broken, mangled body.
That is the moment when I had to stop kidding myself about faith. I had none. I'm the devil.
I just got blindsided! You sleep with the lights on?
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