GLYNIS
I always told Glynis that she was too good for me but she never believed me because she always believed that people could change. That seems to be the theme in relationships like ours, the man enters into the sacred covenant of love completely damaged and the woman instantly knows that she can change him with her love. That theory has a two percent success rate, but me and Glynis we were the other ninety-eight percent. She was the girl you brought home to mom, just not my mom because my mother was a hard-drinking piss ass drunk most of the time.
When she was sober she was a raging bitch nut job, when she was drunk she was Mahatma Gandhi. .Glynis always got to see my mother sober which was never a good thing. The only one time that I hoped and prayed that my mom would be drunk was at my wedding because at least then she’d be in her touchy-feely guru state of being. Not a chance, not even on my wedding day.
Good old mom took it upon herself to pick a fight with my future in-laws right before the ‘I do’ part of the ceremony. We hurried past the exchanging of rings and the kiss before everything went to hell, I never spoke to my mother after that and even at her funeral services, I sat in the back of the chapel. My most heartfelt apologies to my in-laws did not take away the wrong that was heaped upon them by my mother and they never forgave me. Holidays and family get-togethers were awkward but not for me, I understood that they were within their rights to be upset with me but to hold a grudge over my mother’s actions was a problem that was theirs, I was over it. Of all the people that should have been upset and not at all in possession of an inch of forgiveness toward me was Glynis. Instead, the cluster fuck that was our wedding day only served as proof to Glynis that she could change me, especially with a mother like mine my brand new wife felt that she could fill in the emotional spaces which the old lady left bare. It was all downhill from there; she was a good public relations person Glynis was, always talking me up to her family and friends. Always making sure that everyone knew about my achievements no matter how big or small, always talking about the wise or funny way in which I could turn a phrase. She did her best, but in spite of her efforts, I always disappointed her and when she’d get upset at me and go over the list of things I did that let her down, I would always remind her of what I’d said on the day we met,
“You’re too good for me, Glynis. Maybe you should find someone who deserves you?”
It wasn’t a cop-out, it was the truth. However, you’re probably asking yourselves why I stayed with her for so long If I knew I wasn’t good enough? I guess, somewhere deep down inside of me there was always a glimmer of hope that by some miracle Glynis COULD really change me from the inside out. The day came when she finally knew that what I had told her all along was true, after that whenever she was in the company of her family she would talk about work but that was all. Whenever questions were asked about myself, she would only say that I was busy doing something. Holidays became tense when she wouldn’t make my plate for me or purposely sat across the room while we all watched DVD’s, was I bothered? Not in the least.
She could have left at any time but she never did, after everything she was too proud to admit to her family that she was wrong, so I left. A short time later Glynis was served with divorce papers and that was the last time I had ever seen or heard from her. A move to Maui and five years later and Glynis has still not signed the divorce decree, it’s taking too long and so out of curiosity I return to ‘O’ahu and run into my ex-brother-in-law at the airport of all places. With a solemn look on his face he tells me to go back to our old apartment, he says the same building manager is there and that I should talk to him first before I do anything else. You see, in the divorce decree I left our old place to Glynis and it specified that she could do whatever she wanted with it, little did I know.
James’ door still had the old manager sign on it and after ringing the bell his wife emerged and still looked as pale as the day I met her twelve years ago. She hardly ever stepped foot out of that apartment and never got any sun except for when she had to make emergency trips to the store. As pale as she was when she saw me she turned two sheets of white and screamed for her husband.
“JAAAAAAAMES!!!!”
Old James looked like a shorter version of Tony Orlando but he was such a weasel, always looking for ways to screw people over no matter what the reason. His jaw dropped and his eyes went wide when he saw me standing in front of his door, without a word he rushed me up to my old place and opened the door. It was stark and empty and the curtains were tattered and dirty, Glyniss never changed the curtains. I took a step toward the hallway and James grabbed my arm turned me around so that I could see him. in all the years I’d know him, I never saw the look of fear that I now saw on James’ face, he was terrified.
“She’s in the back room,” His eyes were red with tears. “Once you see her you’ll understand everything.”
There was the old kitchen to the left that could barely hold two people much less everything else that was in it. On the right was the linen closet that used to be filled with everything but linen from bottom to top. The bathroom to the left; I can’t remember how many times I changed the faucet in that sink and the number of times I had to buy a new chain for the toilet bowl so that it would flush when it was supposed to. The bedroom door was shut, it was the old bungalow styled door from the thirties with the slats that only allowed you to see some things, but not everything. I turned the knob and slowly swung the door open and there she was sitting cross-legged on the carpet sobbing uncontrollably but without any sound. I could see by her body language that she was in a tremendous amount of emotional pain, however, any noise which would normally emote from someone in this state would be painfully obvious. In this circumstance nothing existed, she may as well have been sitting in outer space. She finally looked up and saw me and with arms outstretched she stood up and rushed forward to hug me but I took a step back and held my hand up, “NO GLYNIS!”
More pain on her face as she froze with her arms outstretched; I pointed to the bottom of her wrists which were sliced open from just beneath the palms and on down toward the pocket of each elbow. He arms and her clothes were covered with blood and she looked at her wounds as if she were seeing them for the first time, she looked at me again and this time an air of realization came over her. She knew what happened and she closed her eyes as if she were going to the events that brought her up until this moment and smiled. Her eyes opened and there was clarity in her gaze, she looked at me and mouthed, “I love you” and then disappeared right in front of me.
….………
Glynis was my first and last, I never married again after her, there was never a cause to do so. Better to learn from your mistakes the first time, instead of repeating the same mistakes all the time. Wait, that’s wrong, I’m sorry, Glynis was never a mistake. She was pure and sincere and she believed with her whole heart and she never judged anyone, that’s what made her the perfect girl to take home to meet your mother.
….……..
“Hold on,” Boy had to think about it for a second. “You never explained what it was that made you feel as if your Glynis too good for you?”
“It’s the life, I’d been at it since I was eleven and my mother taught me everything I know. After a while the life sort of got to her….PTSD I guess. That’s when mom started with all the drinking…poor Glyniss thought that I worked for my mother’s company as a warehouse stock person and delivery driver. At some point, she wanted for us to buy a house but I had no interest in Hawaiian homelands because of the contracts that were taken out by a few people; lots of corruption. It wasn’t because of my not buying a home that she began to lose hope, it was because she realized that I was not ever going to be anything but a warehouse delivery driver. We were stuck as far as she was concerned and she didn’t want to live the rest of her days in a one bedroom apartment.” Boy’s eyebrows furrowed like Marlon Brando’s and I half expected him to caution me about a meeting where my security would be guaranteed.
“That’s tough, you couldn’t tell her about the life but you were willing to let your marriage fall apart because you thought that you were saving Glynis from you. Yet it’s a direct cause of the life that she killed herself, there’s no sunset to this one,” Boy could smell the selfishness coming off of the nameless stranger. “Do you still hold on to that morsel of hope that you can change?”
“I don’t know,” the stranger spoke honestly. “Can anyone change their inherent karmic fingerprint?”
“Glynis did, she changed everything about herself for you. If there were any reason that you should change anything in regards to your karmic makeup, Glynis should be that reason. You owe it to her,” Boy spoke in no uncertain terms.
“Easier said than done,” replied the stranger. “Who would you change for?”
“Change,” Boy emphasized. “Is why I exist today.”
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